I'm a basket case.

Old news:
the boy.
the perspective.
the frustration.


New news:
There's so much bouncing around in my head...hence the title of this blog. 
My emotions haven't gone crazy like I thought they would when the stuff with the boy happened. 
I think it's because my heart is elsewhere. It's here...and he was there. That sounds really vague and all....but it makes tons of sense. Getting over him has been easy. I could say that I haven't really thought about it since that night....but I'd be lying. I have thought about him, but in ways of admiration and happiness that things worked out the way they did. 
Now my heart is freaking me out. I'm perfectly content here. I love where I am. The people I'm surrounded by on a daily basis make me the happiest person ever. I love who I am here. 
I just want to take this blog to say a few things I've realized.


1) When you leave high school....EVERYTHING changes. The way you see people, the way you see yourself, EVERYTHING. And for me, when fake people have been introduced into my life, I'll casually back out of a serious friendship with them. And the wait was VERY worth it. I have an awesome roommate who is also one of my closest friends here. And recently, we've  had the pleasure of getting close with another friend. He just clicked with us. That's something else I've learned...


2)when you find the people that you feel like you've known forever but you've only known for a week....keep them. Because they will make you happy.


And if you guys are reading this....I am very happy. And it feels really good to be able to say that. 
Thank you. 




but all of that loveliness isn't what's freaking me out.
It's the fact that over spring break and summer these people that have so quickly become such an important part of my life, will not be with me. It's going to be hard...and weird...and probably a little lonely....and I hope they know that I will miss them dearly. 


They've both taken a really special part of my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Start Again.

"Baby it breaks my heart
that you don't smile anymore.
I'm dying to help you heal,
but you won't unlock your door.
You say "it takes time"
but you don't have to spend it alone.


You're stuck in a memory
that you're desperate to rewind.
You're too busy looking back,
that you won't make another try.
Now your trust is gone,
but you won't find it again on your own.


So don't go telling me it's too late to start.
You're still holding a broken heart.
But if you let me in
baby you can start again.


Don't go telling me there's not second chance
you'll understand when you take my hand.
Baby let me in.
I promise we will start again.


I'm trying to get to you 
so I make these promises
I swear they're unbreakable
but you're still just hearing his. 
He won't let you go 
until you decide that you want to be free


You're haunted by yesterday 
and you're still sore by the fall
all you need is whitewash these old walls
we'll paint something new
if you let yourself listen to me.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again.

Don't go telling me there's not second chance

you'll understand when you take my hand.

Baby let me in.

I promise we will start again.

Don't give up yet, 

I won't let you close the curtain too soon.

We can reset

if you take the leap and let me show you

you just gotta make the choice.

We love, we lose and you think the best defense is distance

You know, what now, put it on mute so you can listen.

But there's a way out of here,

just follow my voice.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in...

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again.

Don't go telling me there's not second chance

you'll understand when you take my hand.

Baby let me in.

I promise we will start again.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again."

Thank you Sam Tsui.

This is most definitely directed at someone. 

That's all. 

You're funny.

I am so full of frustration that I am shaking. 

Not kidding.

Here I am, trying to be awesome and kind and what are you doing? 

Oh yea, NOT BEING AWESOME AND KIND.

Okay. 

That's honestly all I can say without going into the details I don't even want to face.