well that's for sure.

‎"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again."


it's a good thing I'll be back in a few months. :)

Change is like taxes.

Yes. I have discovered that change is a never ending concept...much like taxes. And that's what this summer will be full of. No, not taxes. But change.


I've decided to just state this "out loud." 
Starting tomorrow (or today, rather) I am striving to be healthier inside and out; more physically fit; I want to start habits that will benefit me for the rest of my life. This is going to require me to lose some weight and I'm ready to take on this challenge....I think!


This is going to be really difficult for me. I love snacky foods, chocolate, french fries (sweet potato fries..yummmmm!) all that stuff that should be eaten in moderation. 


That is why I wanted to make this public. I feel like if I make a public announcement, I'll feel more obligation to stick to this plan. 


What exactly is my plan, you ask?
Well, I'd like to eat much more fresh fruits and vegetables.
I'd like to not have soda. Much more water and yummyness like that. 
I'd like to not have fast food (french fries, chicken strips, greasy cheeseburgers, etc.)
I'd like to exercise 3+ times a week. In fact, in regards to exercise I want to try and follow this: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml I'm already on week two! Which is awesome and very exciting! :)


Can I do this?
I think so. It's going to be really difficult, but I think I can do it!! When I come back to school I am going to look and feel, how do they say it? SUPAAA FLYY. :)


What other changes are going to be made this summer?
Hmmmm. I really want to start reading more! And hopefully stick to my summer goal list :)
Emotionally, I want to be able to sit down and just tell myself that things are as they are. And things that will be, will be. It's a lot harder for me than it should be sometimes because I have a tendency to just go out and change things. But I think....I just need to wait this one out. 
I have amazing friends and family to help me out here so even though this is going to be difficult as well....I think I can make it through.


Here's to an amazing and life-changing summer!


As for right now, I have a STATS final at 8:00am. Let's kick some butt!!

Summer Goals:

• get passport
• read Kurt Vonnegut/get some reading done!
• get a job
• take summer classes
• lose 20lbs
• don't cut your hair!
• save 1/2 of every paycheck
• apply for as many scholarships as possible
• make a freshmen year memory something or other

a week and half.

yup. there's a week and a half left of my first year of college and i am freaking out.
freeeeeakkking outttt.


i have four months at home.
that's so much time.
i love my family. i love my friends. i love my home.
but now i also love people here. i love my room. i love my roommate. i love all of my friends.


i hope with all my heart that summer just makes us all better friends.
i don't want to lose these people.
there's one friend in particular. i've never met anyone like them. we just....click. everyone wants someone like that and i have one. :)
i know next year will be very different...a lot of chnages are going to happen. but i hope with every part of my heart that our friendship is real and won't leave. because i appreciate this person more than i could even say with words.


someday. someday it's going to happen.
i have so much faith.
and maybe i shouldn't.
but i've never had anything like this.
i've have so many amazing friends. i currently have the best friends in the whole world.
but this one is just so...effortless.


time to stop day dreaming and face reality, though.


finals.
summer.
and then right back here. to this same room. to the same warm and friendly smiles that i've grown to love.


i'm going home.
but i'll be back "home" in no time.


i can't wait for some amazing summer memories (as different as this summer will be) but i'm even more excited to have never ending nights doing homework that never gets done, and making jokes that no one understands (even us).


best friend?
yea. i feel it.

Why, hello there.

1)I'm pretty sure my mom is my favorite person it the entire world. Not kidding.I don't know what I'd do without her and I'd do absolutely anything for her.

2)I love being here at school. I have two amazing best friends here and spending time with them is the highlight of my day/night. :)

3)Friends at home freak me out. My best friends are moving on, and so am I. But that means that summer is going to be weird. Just now that I've completely fallen in love with doing my own thing with amazing friends, it's going to leave. For 3 and a half months. Can we put that into perceptive please? OVER 100 DAYS. WHAT THE FREAK AM I GOING TO DO FOR 100+ DAYS?! Shoot.

4)I'm pretty sure I'm pissed off at my emotions right now. My heart is seriously telling me things I do NOT want to hear. SHUT UP AND DON'T RUIN THINGS, HEART.

5)Hearing an amazing singer or harmony does more than just give me chills now. A beautiful vocalization can seriously make me cry. I miss singing so much. But I'm not the singer I used to be and I'm trying to get used to that and embrace it for what it is!

6)Eating healthy makes me feel so happy!! I seriously love it!! Its hard to fight the cravings but when I do it makes me feel amazing!

7)I wish I had more time and energy to write about my life in actual DETAIL, but this is on the internet and I don't want to share any secrets that are too important. :)

I'm a basket case.

Old news:
the boy.
the perspective.
the frustration.


New news:
There's so much bouncing around in my head...hence the title of this blog. 
My emotions haven't gone crazy like I thought they would when the stuff with the boy happened. 
I think it's because my heart is elsewhere. It's here...and he was there. That sounds really vague and all....but it makes tons of sense. Getting over him has been easy. I could say that I haven't really thought about it since that night....but I'd be lying. I have thought about him, but in ways of admiration and happiness that things worked out the way they did. 
Now my heart is freaking me out. I'm perfectly content here. I love where I am. The people I'm surrounded by on a daily basis make me the happiest person ever. I love who I am here. 
I just want to take this blog to say a few things I've realized.


1) When you leave high school....EVERYTHING changes. The way you see people, the way you see yourself, EVERYTHING. And for me, when fake people have been introduced into my life, I'll casually back out of a serious friendship with them. And the wait was VERY worth it. I have an awesome roommate who is also one of my closest friends here. And recently, we've  had the pleasure of getting close with another friend. He just clicked with us. That's something else I've learned...


2)when you find the people that you feel like you've known forever but you've only known for a week....keep them. Because they will make you happy.


And if you guys are reading this....I am very happy. And it feels really good to be able to say that. 
Thank you. 




but all of that loveliness isn't what's freaking me out.
It's the fact that over spring break and summer these people that have so quickly become such an important part of my life, will not be with me. It's going to be hard...and weird...and probably a little lonely....and I hope they know that I will miss them dearly. 


They've both taken a really special part of my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Start Again.

"Baby it breaks my heart
that you don't smile anymore.
I'm dying to help you heal,
but you won't unlock your door.
You say "it takes time"
but you don't have to spend it alone.


You're stuck in a memory
that you're desperate to rewind.
You're too busy looking back,
that you won't make another try.
Now your trust is gone,
but you won't find it again on your own.


So don't go telling me it's too late to start.
You're still holding a broken heart.
But if you let me in
baby you can start again.


Don't go telling me there's not second chance
you'll understand when you take my hand.
Baby let me in.
I promise we will start again.


I'm trying to get to you 
so I make these promises
I swear they're unbreakable
but you're still just hearing his. 
He won't let you go 
until you decide that you want to be free


You're haunted by yesterday 
and you're still sore by the fall
all you need is whitewash these old walls
we'll paint something new
if you let yourself listen to me.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again.

Don't go telling me there's not second chance

you'll understand when you take my hand.

Baby let me in.

I promise we will start again.

Don't give up yet, 

I won't let you close the curtain too soon.

We can reset

if you take the leap and let me show you

you just gotta make the choice.

We love, we lose and you think the best defense is distance

You know, what now, put it on mute so you can listen.

But there's a way out of here,

just follow my voice.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in...

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again.

Don't go telling me there's not second chance

you'll understand when you take my hand.

Baby let me in.

I promise we will start again.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again."

Thank you Sam Tsui.

This is most definitely directed at someone. 

That's all.