Breathe.

"They are all counting on me to succeed

I am the one who made it out

The one who always made the grade

But maybe I should've just stayed home...

When I was a child I stayed wide awake, climbed to the highest place, 

on every fire escape, restless to climb"

Lyrics from the Broadway musical "In The Heights," the song: Breathe.

There is so much pressure here, both direct and direct. I feel the need to stay connected to my friends at home, as they are the ones I feel comfortable with. I feel the need to get away, to connect to something, someone here. But it's so scary. I am scared. 

Scared.

I hope a certain someone reads this...and sees that this is not easy. I am fighting against everything it seems. It's me against the world. I have such big dreams and it's killing me  to know that I don't have all the support I'd like. It is also hard to be the only one of your friends who left home. I miss things at home so much but I feel like I have a yearning to connect to something here. I haven't found that something yet, but I know I will. Someday. Until then, there is a void. A void that makes me lonely. 

Lonely.

This is so ridiculous. I am not the kind of person to be feeling this way. I am confident. I am capable. I am fine. But right now, I am scared and I am lonely. 

I've had this song on repeat all day long. It swear they wrote this song for me. The end go a little something like this...

"Straighten the spine

Smile for the neighbors

Everything's fine

Everything's cool

The standard reply

'Lots of tests, lots of papers'

Smile, wave goodbye

And pray to the sky, Oh, God"