well that's for sure.

‎"You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again."


it's a good thing I'll be back in a few months. :)

Change is like taxes.

Yes. I have discovered that change is a never ending concept...much like taxes. And that's what this summer will be full of. No, not taxes. But change.


I've decided to just state this "out loud." 
Starting tomorrow (or today, rather) I am striving to be healthier inside and out; more physically fit; I want to start habits that will benefit me for the rest of my life. This is going to require me to lose some weight and I'm ready to take on this challenge....I think!


This is going to be really difficult for me. I love snacky foods, chocolate, french fries (sweet potato fries..yummmmm!) all that stuff that should be eaten in moderation. 


That is why I wanted to make this public. I feel like if I make a public announcement, I'll feel more obligation to stick to this plan. 


What exactly is my plan, you ask?
Well, I'd like to eat much more fresh fruits and vegetables.
I'd like to not have soda. Much more water and yummyness like that. 
I'd like to not have fast food (french fries, chicken strips, greasy cheeseburgers, etc.)
I'd like to exercise 3+ times a week. In fact, in regards to exercise I want to try and follow this: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml I'm already on week two! Which is awesome and very exciting! :)


Can I do this?
I think so. It's going to be really difficult, but I think I can do it!! When I come back to school I am going to look and feel, how do they say it? SUPAAA FLYY. :)


What other changes are going to be made this summer?
Hmmmm. I really want to start reading more! And hopefully stick to my summer goal list :)
Emotionally, I want to be able to sit down and just tell myself that things are as they are. And things that will be, will be. It's a lot harder for me than it should be sometimes because I have a tendency to just go out and change things. But I think....I just need to wait this one out. 
I have amazing friends and family to help me out here so even though this is going to be difficult as well....I think I can make it through.


Here's to an amazing and life-changing summer!


As for right now, I have a STATS final at 8:00am. Let's kick some butt!!

Summer Goals:

• get passport
• read Kurt Vonnegut/get some reading done!
• get a job
• take summer classes
• lose 20lbs
• don't cut your hair!
• save 1/2 of every paycheck
• apply for as many scholarships as possible
• make a freshmen year memory something or other

a week and half.

yup. there's a week and a half left of my first year of college and i am freaking out.
freeeeeakkking outttt.


i have four months at home.
that's so much time.
i love my family. i love my friends. i love my home.
but now i also love people here. i love my room. i love my roommate. i love all of my friends.


i hope with all my heart that summer just makes us all better friends.
i don't want to lose these people.
there's one friend in particular. i've never met anyone like them. we just....click. everyone wants someone like that and i have one. :)
i know next year will be very different...a lot of chnages are going to happen. but i hope with every part of my heart that our friendship is real and won't leave. because i appreciate this person more than i could even say with words.


someday. someday it's going to happen.
i have so much faith.
and maybe i shouldn't.
but i've never had anything like this.
i've have so many amazing friends. i currently have the best friends in the whole world.
but this one is just so...effortless.


time to stop day dreaming and face reality, though.


finals.
summer.
and then right back here. to this same room. to the same warm and friendly smiles that i've grown to love.


i'm going home.
but i'll be back "home" in no time.


i can't wait for some amazing summer memories (as different as this summer will be) but i'm even more excited to have never ending nights doing homework that never gets done, and making jokes that no one understands (even us).


best friend?
yea. i feel it.

Why, hello there.

1)I'm pretty sure my mom is my favorite person it the entire world. Not kidding.I don't know what I'd do without her and I'd do absolutely anything for her.

2)I love being here at school. I have two amazing best friends here and spending time with them is the highlight of my day/night. :)

3)Friends at home freak me out. My best friends are moving on, and so am I. But that means that summer is going to be weird. Just now that I've completely fallen in love with doing my own thing with amazing friends, it's going to leave. For 3 and a half months. Can we put that into perceptive please? OVER 100 DAYS. WHAT THE FREAK AM I GOING TO DO FOR 100+ DAYS?! Shoot.

4)I'm pretty sure I'm pissed off at my emotions right now. My heart is seriously telling me things I do NOT want to hear. SHUT UP AND DON'T RUIN THINGS, HEART.

5)Hearing an amazing singer or harmony does more than just give me chills now. A beautiful vocalization can seriously make me cry. I miss singing so much. But I'm not the singer I used to be and I'm trying to get used to that and embrace it for what it is!

6)Eating healthy makes me feel so happy!! I seriously love it!! Its hard to fight the cravings but when I do it makes me feel amazing!

7)I wish I had more time and energy to write about my life in actual DETAIL, but this is on the internet and I don't want to share any secrets that are too important. :)

I'm a basket case.

Old news:
the boy.
the perspective.
the frustration.


New news:
There's so much bouncing around in my head...hence the title of this blog. 
My emotions haven't gone crazy like I thought they would when the stuff with the boy happened. 
I think it's because my heart is elsewhere. It's here...and he was there. That sounds really vague and all....but it makes tons of sense. Getting over him has been easy. I could say that I haven't really thought about it since that night....but I'd be lying. I have thought about him, but in ways of admiration and happiness that things worked out the way they did. 
Now my heart is freaking me out. I'm perfectly content here. I love where I am. The people I'm surrounded by on a daily basis make me the happiest person ever. I love who I am here. 
I just want to take this blog to say a few things I've realized.


1) When you leave high school....EVERYTHING changes. The way you see people, the way you see yourself, EVERYTHING. And for me, when fake people have been introduced into my life, I'll casually back out of a serious friendship with them. And the wait was VERY worth it. I have an awesome roommate who is also one of my closest friends here. And recently, we've  had the pleasure of getting close with another friend. He just clicked with us. That's something else I've learned...


2)when you find the people that you feel like you've known forever but you've only known for a week....keep them. Because they will make you happy.


And if you guys are reading this....I am very happy. And it feels really good to be able to say that. 
Thank you. 




but all of that loveliness isn't what's freaking me out.
It's the fact that over spring break and summer these people that have so quickly become such an important part of my life, will not be with me. It's going to be hard...and weird...and probably a little lonely....and I hope they know that I will miss them dearly. 


They've both taken a really special part of my heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Start Again.

"Baby it breaks my heart
that you don't smile anymore.
I'm dying to help you heal,
but you won't unlock your door.
You say "it takes time"
but you don't have to spend it alone.


You're stuck in a memory
that you're desperate to rewind.
You're too busy looking back,
that you won't make another try.
Now your trust is gone,
but you won't find it again on your own.


So don't go telling me it's too late to start.
You're still holding a broken heart.
But if you let me in
baby you can start again.


Don't go telling me there's not second chance
you'll understand when you take my hand.
Baby let me in.
I promise we will start again.


I'm trying to get to you 
so I make these promises
I swear they're unbreakable
but you're still just hearing his. 
He won't let you go 
until you decide that you want to be free


You're haunted by yesterday 
and you're still sore by the fall
all you need is whitewash these old walls
we'll paint something new
if you let yourself listen to me.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again.

Don't go telling me there's not second chance

you'll understand when you take my hand.

Baby let me in.

I promise we will start again.

Don't give up yet, 

I won't let you close the curtain too soon.

We can reset

if you take the leap and let me show you

you just gotta make the choice.

We love, we lose and you think the best defense is distance

You know, what now, put it on mute so you can listen.

But there's a way out of here,

just follow my voice.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in...

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again.

Don't go telling me there's not second chance

you'll understand when you take my hand.

Baby let me in.

I promise we will start again.

So don't go telling me it's too late to start.

You're still holding a broken heart.

But if you let me in

baby you can start again."

Thank you Sam Tsui.

This is most definitely directed at someone. 

That's all. 

You're funny.

I am so full of frustration that I am shaking. 

Not kidding.

Here I am, trying to be awesome and kind and what are you doing? 

Oh yea, NOT BEING AWESOME AND KIND.

Okay. 

That's honestly all I can say without going into the details I don't even want to face. 

"Taking Chances"

"Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world.
Don't want to be alone tonight,
on this planet they call Earth.


You don't know about my past.
and I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is all too fast.
and maybe it's not meant to last.


But what do you say to taking chances?
What do you say to jumping off the edge.
Never knowing if there's solid ground below,
or hand to hold,
or Hell to pay
What do you say?
What do you say?


I just want to start again.
Maybe you could show me how to try.
Maybe you couldt ake me in.
Somewhere underneath your skin.

But what do you say to taking chances?

What do you say to jumping off the edge.

Never knowing if there's solid ground below,

or hand to hold,

or Hell to pay...

What do you say?

What do you say?

And I let my heart get beaten down but I always come back for more

there's nothing like a love to pull you up when you're lying down on the floor

so talk to me, talk to me, like lovers do.

walk with me, walk with me, like lovers do.

like lovers do. 

What do you say to taking chances?

What do you say to jumping off the edge.

Never knowing if there's solid ground below,

or hand to hold,

or Hell to pay...

What do you say?

What do you say?

Don't know much about your life.

Don't know much about your world."

Today, I have a terrible case of the Mondays.

Everything just seems kind of....sad. Bummer...

I would do anything right now to be back to Friday night. But it's only Monday...and I have a whole week until I can go back and see him. 

Darn this sucks. Sometimes I try really hard to tell myself that this is a terrible idea and I should just not let myself feel this way. 

But then the good things happen. He just makes me...smile. Genuinely. No fake theater kid smiles. A real, genuine, beautiful smile. Just because he's there. That's all it takes. He doesn't have to make a joke, or hold my hand, or anything. He just has to be there and BOOM. Smile. I haven't felt this way in such a long time.

You know, I tried to get a Twitter. I tried really hard. But then....I saw an old tweet of his about the last girl. And I am generally very good at listening to people talk about other important people in their lives. But seeing that was hard for me. Hard because I don't even know how I wound up with this boy...but I did!! And I'm so excited. And it doesn't make me sad that he's had other girls, it makes me sad that it could leave as fast as it came . It's actually very scary. I don't want to emotionally invest in this thing, but with ME...that's very hard to do. Hahaha. 

Question: What have I got myself into?

Answer: An absolutely incredible person. 

The one day I get to see him a week, is totally worth spending the whole week waiting though!

And that's just simply awesome to me. 

But I'm also very sure that my case of the Mondays is being party caused by some friends.

I feel so unwanted now a days it's kind of weird. I'm used to being included, or doing the including, you know? And now it's very different. But all in all, I'm fine with it. I knew it had to happen eventually. It just scares me for this summer and stuff. What will I do? My school friends are going to be in their hometowns and I'll be back in mine.....my friends might have completely moved on by then and my boyfriend might not even be there. 

Boyfriend...that feels so cool to type. Hahaha.

Goodness.

I'm freaking out now.

Let's wish for a better day tomorrow...a better day and a better outlook on things. 

Taylor Swift always replays in my head during moments like this.

Sunday night, back at school, getting ready for another week. 


This weekend was something else.
What have I discovered?

• I love boys who smell delicious.
• I love being close to boys who smell delicious.
• I love smelling delicious because I was close to a boy who smelled delicious. 
• I have a wonderful life.
• People who have problems eventually get over them.
• I easily miss people.
• Peace Tea is hard to find.
• I was one point away from an A on my Psych test on Friday.
• I have a wonderful roommate.

What happened?

(insert long dramatic happy girl sigh here) Let's just say, Taylor Swift writes some beautiful songs and they replay in my head every time I hold his hand. This could honestly end up in disaster, but as of right now...I'm a very happy camper. 

"There I was again tonight,

forcing laughter, faking smiles,

the same old, tired, lonely place.

Walls of insincerity,

shifting eyes of vacancy,

vanished when I saw your face.

All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you.

Your eyes whispered 'have we met?'

Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me.

The playful conversation starts,

Counter all your quick remarks,

like passing notes in secrecy.

All I can say it was enchanting to meet you.

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go.

I'm wonderstruck,

blushing all the way home.

I'll spend forever, wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you."

Thanks, John.

John Steinbeck wrote: "I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible."


I always liked John. 

"The show must go on."

^ is the name of the nail polish I am wearing.
and it's absolutely perfect for my life right now.


Nothing stops for you. Nothing stops for me. No matter what so-and-so posted on so-and-so's facebook last night, nothing is going to stop. People have their own worlds and the world continues to turn. I like to think that for every person that leave your life, someone else will walk in. Although that isn't always true...I still like to think.


Sometimes, amazing things happen that you never even expected.
And sometimes, you hurt people without meaning to do so.
But, whatever happens...happens. And it happens because you took a chance.
It's taken me a long time to want to take a chance. But I've finally taken a whole bunch of chances.
I went to school.
I stayed at school.
I met some amazing people.
I met some not so amazing people.
I lost a lot of friends.
But I got a whole lot more.
One of the most important friendships in my life has been resurrected.
For the first time in almost two years, my heart is completely in someone else's hands....and although my friends don't all approve, my heart is happy.


Song of the day:
Enchanted by Taylor Swift

New&Knew

What’s new?

New roommate.

New room.

New building.

New classes.

New boy.

There are too many funny stories to fit on my fingers and toes… I’m thrilled about life right now!!

What’s knew?

“Don’t’ you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard.” Taylor Swift.

I will always be here for the ones I love, regardless of how they feel and act.

Blog worthy quotes:

“No, I’m just sitting on the ground, cracking up because I like it.”

“You look like a tootsie roll.”

“You drink like a gopher.”

My heart is making like a sandal and flip flopping. :)

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect- you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break- her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze her and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."


Right now this is for me, one of my best friends, and every girl. I love this quote.